To survive a world as ruthless as that of internet dating
you have to develop some rules to help you through.
Rule # 1:Go with your gut.
You know how in pretty much every horror movie ever made there
is that point where someone goes off to investigate a noise. We know it’s stupid, heck they know it’s
stupid – but they go do it anyways.
Really who does that?
And once they see the first bad sign, shouldn’t they go
running in the opposite direction? How
stupid can they be?
Well you can’t really say until you’re put in the situation…
Lisa,
I’d met her before.
We’d gone on a date, had a good time – laughs, engaging conversation, a
bit of chemistry. Nothing spectacular
mind you – my heart didn’t skip a few beats, there wasn’t music playing as she
approached – but it was fun, fun enough to garner a second date at least.
The thing is, Lisa was set on having a ‘group date’. She’d bring some of her friends, I’d bring
some of mine and we’d have a grand ol’ time….or something like that. My first thought “wow this is stupid”, but
heck, she was cute, and cute girl’s make boys do stupid things.
Like group dates.
I should have gone with my gut.
We figure out the details. Minigolf then dinner. I’m pretty sure the place she suggested is
closed down…and has been for awhile, but she’s sure (and cute) so why not.
The date’s set. 3:30
Saturday.
Getting there early I text my friends to get their ETA. They’ll be a little late but take the toll
road to make sure they don’t hold us up. Having time to kill I start to wander
around, noticing that the door the minigolf place is blocked off. Asking someone about it I soon find out it
hasn’t been open for years.
Of course.
My phone rings.
It’s Lisa.
She’s going to be late.
She’s still at the mall
45 minutes away.
Somehow her friends were informed that she was late yet here
I am waiting like a fool.
My gut tells me to blow her off, to bail on the date.
I should have listened.
Did I mention she was cute?
And I hadn’t really had many dates lately?
Heading to the restaurant to kill time near there I can’t
help but notice it looks closed also
Are those burn marks on the side of the building?
Apparently
yes.
How does a
sushi place have a fire?
I really can’t take a hint can I?
The plans change
Yet again.
All this and the date hasn’t officially started
After killing an hour we arrive at the restaurant.
Before Lisa.
Big Surprise.
We stand there waiting and watch the Lakers game. Off to the side there’s a guy yammering
loudly about the game. The thing is,
it’s not just that he’s loud and obnoxious, he’s wrong too – stating things the
most casual fan would know is wrong. His
ridiculous rants loud enough for everyone around to hear.
Each opening of the door and opportunity to escape from this
agony
We can’t help but talk about the spectacle in front of us as
I finally see Lisa enter.
Instantly I have a sense of relief.
Because she actually showed up
Because I get to eat
Because I get to get away from this guy.
Coming over to me she introduces me to her friends – Jason
and Mary – the babbling buffoon and his friend – of course.
This is going to be a long evening.
I should have listened to my gut.
I’ve always been taught to try and make the best out of a
bad situation so decide to try…besides, I think they’d notice if we all got up
to go the bathroom at the same time.
Trying to be friendly we create conversation, attempting to
engage but finding ourselves pushing against a wall. Each question answered abruptly – single
syllable sentences – before turning back to each other.
I’m trying to talk to Lisa, it is a date after all even if a
lame group one. My attempts similarly rebuffed. Despite the fact that she’s
sitting beside me, I barely see her face mostly observing the back of her head
as she talks to her friends.
The back of her head is not nearly as cute as the rest of
her.
Should have gone with my gut.
There is a point in every date when it’s over. Often this comes at the end of the date when
you walk her to the door, say you had a good time and hope to see her again.
In this case, this is when the date ended. Maybe not literally, but in my mind it did.
And so I do what any rational person would do in this
situation.
I pull out my phone and start texting.
My friend sitting directly across from me.
About how ridiculous this date is.
Finishing our meals we’re about to cut and run when Jason
invites us back to his place to watch hockey.
He has lawn chairs we can sit on…
And we can help him unpack since he just moved.
What the *%$#!?!
Really???
Help you unpack?
Well we didn’t say that, but I swear it’s what we all thought.
Politely passing it off we prepare to leave. Lisa and her friends going to one side of the
parking lot- us to the other. Rounding
the corner we all break out laughing simultaneously no longer being able to
contain ourselves and the awkwardness of the whole evening.
All agreeing,
At least we have a story.
I should have gone with my gut.
