They say a picture tells a thousand words
and they’re right
But
No one said those words had to be true
The world of internet dating can end up being a lot like used car sales
People presenting themselves in ways that aren’t entirely honest
They can say whatever they want about themselves
and until you get to know them it is impossible to tell if they are lying
or not.
Do they really have a PHD in the mating rituals of small woodland creatures?
Are they involved in charities that help old ladies across the street?
Did they really give one of their kidney’s to their dying grandmother?
It’s the risk you take when you meet someone new.
You’d think if you could trust anything
You’d be able to trust their pictures, right?
People have hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of themselves
In different styles of dress
From different angles
Of different ages
Each showing a different side of who they are
even some sides are practically impossible to view them from.
We all want to present the best sides of ourselves
But there is a fine line between the best side
and a lie.
A friend of mine ran into this problem in what we came to call
‘The tale of the Shewolf’
Once upon a time,
There was a young man
And one day he came across a profile of a young lady
and he was in love.
(Well not in love, come on, all he saw was a picture of her and a couple of lines of writing)
But he’s smitten and she soon comes to be known as
‘The love of his life’
And he’s right
She’s beautiful
A glimmering smile
Enchanting blue eyes
And raven locks cascading down her shoulders
The messages flew back and forth
Like the butterflies developing in his chest
Soon the day came when he was finally going to meet her
Now, bear in mind that I wasn’t given all of the specific details of the date –
but I imagine how this is how it went.
Strolling into Starbucks
His eyes fervently trying to see if he can find her
Yet failing
It seems she hasn’t yet arrived
There’s a woman off in a corner that looks like she could be her older sister
like 15 years older
but no sign of her
and then she waves him over
slowly
nervously
he approaches
maybe there’s bad lighting?
Each step feeling ominous
Her face coming more and more into view
His wish for bad lighting growing with each stride
Wrinkles adorn her face
A thin layer of hair covers her cheeks
– almost like fur -
he half expects her to tell him that she lied
that she’s 35
not 25
that the picture is from 10 years ago
he wouldn’t be shocked
expect maybe that she's lying and is even older
Sipping his coffee he makes small talk
his eyes drifting to the window to the raising moon
Full and bright in the sky
Slowly inching upwards
His eyes glance back to her
My what long hair she has
My what sharp teeth she has
What?
Wait?
Were her teeth always that sharp?
Like in so many fairy tales
And horror stories
His love transforms
From a beauty
Into a something completely unexpected
It’s said that pictures
Like Shakira’s hips
don’t lie
but anyone who has gone on dates from a single picture
knows that is far from the truth
Apparently people don’t always put up pictures that are honest depictions of who they are
instead putting up ones that make them look good
– even if they are half truths
Bald men with a full head of hair
Pictures from before they started the super size me diet
Guys next to short people to make them look taller
That is why
After this encounter we instituted a rule
Rule #4:Three thousand word minimum
To be continued...
To be continued...
Gold.
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